Daily Archives: March 6, 2012

Undercover

The following 200-word piece of flash fiction is an Honorable Mention in Week 24 of #MenageMonday at Cara Michaels’ blog. The prompts were: “You can’t ever go home again;” “sounds serious;” and a photo of a dilapidated motel.

“I’m going undercover.” Hazel eyed Camp Knox Hotel as if it were Fort Knox and she was a CIA agent instead of a journalist.
The air smelled like Meemaw’s potpourri, soil, and sticky summer all in one, and Hazel walked as if she was the first woman in the world to have a degree. Lena Dolittle stared from across the street with a face like a dried apricot.
Hazel tried to wave, but her arm stuck on something.
“Hazel, calm down.” A man’s voice, neutral.
Hazel tried to shrug out of the grip on her arms. Lena Dolittle’s apricot face turned pitying before her front door closed.
Jerking her hand free, Hazel fumbled for her briefcase but caught only air. Her hand looked like Lena’s face. Where was her smooth skin?
Something took hold of her arm again, pinned it to her side.
That couldn’t be her hand
“Frank Johnson’s speaking, and I’m home to report on it! Let me go!” Hazel snapped.
“They say you can’t ever go home again.” A chuckle.
“Well, she never left. Come on, Hazel. You’re going back to the center.”
“I’m going undercover!”
The man laughed. “Sounds serious. Wouldn’t you rather just play bridge?”

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Recipe for the Creepiest Villains

It’s Terror Tuesday in Emmie Land — not only that, I’ve missed you all for the last two days! I’m still getting used to my new posting schedule, and I feel a little bit like an addict who keeps reaching for the syringe. Must….have……blog.

I must really love you, gentle viewers.

Additionally, yesterday I entered #MenageMonday over at Cara Michaels’ blog, a 200-word flash fiction contest using three different prompts. I got an honorable mention, yeehaw! Thank you to the lovely Ms. Anna Meade for judging!

I have added a new little page for you to check out my short fiction in one place if you feel so inclined.

I picked up Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere this week, and I have been trucking through the book at a decent clip. The villains he’s introduced so far are quite creepy, and they reminded me of some of my all-time favorite villains. Without further ado, I’d like to show you how to cook up a nasty, creeptastic villain for all your goosebumpy needs.

Creeptastic Villain

4 cups urbane
2 cups calculation
1 tablespoon wide smile
1 teaspoon wrong
1 cup chunks o’ dogged persistence
1/2 cup drone-like underlings
Creeptastic Slicing Instrument Glaze

Starting early in a story, mix 4 cups urbane with 2 cups calculation.  This will form the base for the rest of the ingredients. Sprinkle the tablespoon of wide smile and the teaspoon of wrong evenly over the mixture. There should be just enough wrong to peek out of the batter when you least expect it. Mix well.

Cut in the cup of dogged persistence. This should resurface in your batter just when you think it’s gone. Add the drone-like underlings to ensure even distribution of creepiness. Bake for the time specified for your story’s temperature (200-1000 words for flash, 3,000 – 10,000 for short, 60,000 – 150,000 for novel. Times may be transmuted for screen and/or stage.)

Drizzle Creeptastic Slicing Instrument Glaze over entire product. It should seep into the spongy batter.

Variations: Add 1 knowing child for additional creepiness, or omit underlings for a solitary product. The more experienced can experiment with the addition of a draining serum that will sap one or more of the consumer’s strengths, but that’s not for rookies.

Your finished product may never compare to this, but then only the best chefs ever do:

"Can't even shout, can't even cry, the gentlemen are coming by, looking in windows, knocking on doors, they need to take seven, and they might take yours. Can't call to Mom, can't say a word, you're gonna die a-screaming, but you won't be heard."

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