To Be Whole

We are on to the next round in the EOW Chosen Madness! Yesterday’s advancers are: Matt Sloan and Steven Paul Watson. Congrats, guys!

Today we choose the first of the quarter finalists, so perk up your ears, pull up your waistband, and get ready to vote.

Match Nine

C.F. Waller, “Last Call” versus N.E. White, “God’s Vengeance”

If you missed these entries in round one, catch them HERE.

Match 10

Afsaneh Khetrapal, “Long Overdue” versus Ruth Long, “Original Sin”

If you missed these entries in round one, catch them HERE.

To Be Whole

Yesterday I asked what you needed to accomplish in your life to be fulfilled — what goals drove you to move forward each day. And for advice to those setting out to accomplish these goals.

I’ve thought a lot about what my own answers would be to those questions. Today I embarked on a new career path that I hope will lead to financial independence, freedom from debt, and the ability to live the lifestyle I’ve always dreamed of — where I’ve dreamed of living it.

I can, of course, make no guarantees on what the future will drop in my lap — or what I’ll have to mud wrestle the future for and snatch from its vanquished hands. But today I have some hope.

What must I do to feel fulfilled? What would cause the festering rot of regret to take root in my soul were I to leave it undone? Only one thing, really. And the answer may surprise you.

It’s not to get published or to make my fortune as a bestselling author. Neither of those things would leave me fulfilled. Are they things I deeply desire? Of course. But they’re not the missing piece.

Back in my more religious days, people used to say with tears in their eyes that everyone has a god-shaped hole inside of them. I didn’t believe it then, and I don’t believe it now. But I think we’re all missing some sort of puzzle piece. That is the MUST that drives us through life’s labyrinth.

Mine? It’s a place. One I’m not legally entitled to live. It’s a place I dream of striving toward. Just last night, my subconscious gave me yet another frantic vision of me trying, trying, trying to get there. Through delayed and canceled flights. Through faulty maps. Through my mom getting lost (sorry Mom). I’ve dreamed this dream a thousand times in a hundred different ways. I’ve traveled by yacht, by inner tube, by my own muscles, by plane, by foot, by car. Always to the same place, always with the same goal.

For me it’s Scotland. That is my missing piece. I know where I need to be. I have just been searching for the right transportation, it seems.

I don’t know if I’ve found it, but I have a goal and a deadline.

It might sound silly, but the second my toes touched the tarmac on 17 June, 2004 — I knew. Call it folly or a lack of patriotism (I prefer thinking that I have an abundance of patriotism — I just choose to bestow it elsewhere) — I don’t care. Scotland is home.

That’s me. Most of you aren’t me. And if you are, that’s weird.

Me or not me, you have your own things to do. You have your own MUST that drives you. You know the one. The one that if you left it to moulder for the next few score years and died too soon, you would die with a hole.

Here are two beautiful, powerful women’s words on the subject:

I think for me to feel like my life is fulfilled I MUST accomplish something that makes me really proud…What drives me is that vision of fulfilment, of being able to say to myself and the world “I freaking did it. It was hard work and I didn’t know if I was ever going to make it here, but I did it.” Of proving myself to the naysayers. Of being the best that I can be.

-Lyra Selene

I don’t have much in the currency of sage advice. The best I can offer is this: observe, learn, and above all, listen. You might hear something worth tucking away, you might hear something worth chucking away, and you might hear nothing at all. On certain occasions the silence is where the light blossoms.

Advice? The people who need it most don’t take it, and those who think they need it often already know the answers.

So what makes us go?

I want to finish my novel, and by “finish” I mean get it to a place where I can read it and say okay, that’s the best I can do world, and send it off to readers who will enjoy it, appreciate it, use it as a coaster, whatever. After that the next one will be a breeze, right? The one after that, no problem. So, that’s three novels, and then, check the box on life fulfilled.

Wait, maybe that should be career goal fulfilled, because life is more than that. It should be about strong, healthy relationships and helping people, and even if nobody ever reads the book at least it was written. I also think we should leave the world a better place than we found it. That’s probably more fulfilling than anything.

What drives me is love of the written word. If you don’t love what you do, why do it at all?

– Eleni Sakellis

“If you don’t love what you do, why do it at all?”

Why indeed?

These wise words were exactly what I needed to hear this week. They’re a follow-up to my oddly phrased question of two days ago, “If you could do anything or be anywhere, why don’t you?”

What’s stopping you?

No one. Except you.

Anne Frank once wrote, “Look at how a single candle can both define and defy the darkness.”

Be that candle. Start something beautiful.



About Emmie Mears

Saving the world from brooding, one self-actualized vampire at a time.

Posted on August 7, 2012, in Contest Entries, Contests, EOW, Scotland, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Hi again, Emmie
    Say, your blogs are good, really good. You’re a damn good writer, hope you make that goal in your life.
    Regarding this post, well, I found some similarities with the way I take that sort of things. Over the years I became agnostic, I like to say I’m not agnostic, rather got to be agnostic, like you’re not flued, you got a flue, just symptoms, not a way of being. Still I have a sort of religious atitude. Generally agnostics are either atheists who don’t want to shock believers, or believers ashamed of acknolege in front of atheists. I’m neither. That’s funny you mentioning Scotland, I feel a bit like that, and you know? Many MANY Scots and even non-Scots feel the same. Check this link:
    It’s a Scottish social net, Scotster, in which I’ve most luckilly landed. They have several forums, and I’m in this one: Spiritual Connection Between Scots? Celts?
    It’s really amazing, I thought I was alone, just another nuts around……
    Go ahead and check this topic, too: A free INDEPENDENT Tibet ?
    You’re not alone, either. We all love our place, Scotland is special, and we are lucky to know and love her.


    • Pedro, thank you for your kind words! I am indeed trying to make my career as a writer — I have a novel in the editing stage right now that I will be submitting this autumn.

      I will have to check out that website! Thanks for the tip!

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