Buffy Episode Cage Match: Hush vs. Once More With Feeling

*Pulls mic down*

Good afternoon, gentle viewers, and welcome to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer cooltext973824439

In the blue corner, from season four. This contestant brings darkness. It brings a classically scored soundtrack. It’s got a chilling little singing girl and ambiguous hand gestures! Full of smiling creepers and goons in straitjackets, I give you….





Can’t even shout; can’t even cry.

The Gentlemen are coming by.

They’re tapping on windows; they’re knocking on doors.

They need to take seven, and they might take yours.

Can’t call to Mom; can’t say a word.

You’re gonna die screaming, but you won’t be heard.

How’s THAT for creepy, folks?

Xander thinks the Gentlemen want boobies, Tara’s in danger, and Riley and Buffy get outed. When their voices return, will they be able to break the silence?

*Crowd goes wild!*

Iiiiin the red corner, from season five! This contestant has all the moves — in fact, it can dance till it combusts! It’s got snazzy demons and creepy ventriloquist dolls! Full of songs and merriment, I give you….




I touch the fire, and it freezes me.

I look into it, and it’s black.

Why can’t I feel?

My skin should crack and peel.

I want the fire back.

Did Dawn give birth to a pterodactyl? Is this all really caused by bunnies? Is it a retro-pastiche or more of a book number? WAS that fire hydrant movable, and HOW did they get the mustard out?

Mustard is moot when Sweet comes to town with his snazzy suit and snappy tap shoes, but will Buffy and the gang manage to move forward once they spill their secrets in song?



…goes to HUSH with…….

Giles’ drawings!



Hilarity. Offended Buffy. Ambiguous gestures. This scene has it all, including the above picture. OMWF takes this one on the chin!

But wait. OMWF is on the move, circling for the…




OMWF lands a punch, and that punch just lets it burn.



Ouch. That one’s gotta smart. Hush, you gonna take that?

Whoa! Hush stumbles to the side, and OMWF comes up on the flank to deliver…

cooltext973864294Is it…it is! OMWF has pulled out the big feels!


It’s the Standing reprise! And OMWF isn’t done!



It’s the epic major kiss between Spike and Buffy! Hush stumbles — will it be able to recover?

*Crowd falls silent*

The ring is quiet. Hush is bleeding green goo from the nose. OMWF draws breath to burst into song.

Wait. OMWF has turned its back on Hush, and there’s silver fire in Hush’s eyes.





BOOM. Hush delivers a brutal roundhouse kick to the back of the head!

OMWF is reeling toward the ropes!





Hush smashes at OMWF with Giles’ drawings again!

OMWF is on the ropes!

Hush flicks in for a quick move…





Oh, no. This doesn’t look good for OMWF. It’s on the ropes now, holding onto slippery rubber, trying to stay upright.

But it looks like Hush is going in for the kill.





OMWF explodes in a flurry of pink and blue zoomy glows! That’s it, folks!

*raises Hush’s arm* We have a cage match champion!

Hush takes this cage match!

*Cue theme music…*


Thanks to everyone who voted yesterday in the poll! You’re the ones who chose the winner of today’s cage match. I hope you had fun!





About Emmie Mears

Saving the world from brooding, one self-actualized vampire at a time.

Posted on March 28, 2013, in 16th Buffyversary, Buffy, Emmie Thinks She's Funny and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Even though I don’t know wth you are talking about, I still enjoyed this post. Very clever and entertaining presentation!

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